Someday I will have to set up the macros so that zipped files e mailed to me automatically unzip themselves upon receipt, convert themselves to my favorite word processing program, and automatically file themselves in the appropriate sub-directory. I wish all my life filed itself in just that way, but I've spent too much time today (i.e., about one minute, thirty seconds) using winzip to unzip documents, and placing them where they belong.
I am in a consolidation and simplification mood, which will probably also last about one minute, thirty seconds. I went and unsubscribed from some huge number of the communities to which I'd already subscribed, but which haunted my friends' function listing with posts which did not really interest me. I was surprised to find that many more communities would be "keepers" than I had first reckoned. Some were close calls--some awfully nice people on livejardin, for example, but I just got bored of being corrected on comments by people who knew even less about plants than I do. I'm sure I'll miss posts about glam rock and art trading (I can't figure out when I ever saw any posts on that art community, but it was among my communities). I plan to struggle on nobly, like Debra Winger dying gracefully in a movie. Besides, how many times can one read posts about T. Rex, Ziggy Stardust, and bands that cover Gary Glitter? A more infinite number than my patience, apparently.
I have been so delighted for months now with the results of my election to unsubscribe from the various mailing lists to which I belonged. I found myself writing on the Suzanne Vega Undertow long posts which were really too wordy for my own weblog, much less a mailing list. I also have a limited tolerance for "SV in Framingham was RADICALLY different than SV in Boston. For one thing, she played transposed "Kaspar Hauser's Song" and "Calypso", and for another, her earrings were different!". The people on the list were all, it seems, writers, poets, artists and geniuses, from across the world, capable of writing great prose, but often lost in the discussion of the Chicago set list. Ms. Vega herself, ever polite, showed up on list once in a while to express sympathy when a member experienced illness, family loss, loss of a pet, etc. Soon, though, I found myself receiving 300 e mails every two weeks on topics ranging from the true meaning of the song "The Queen and the Soldier" (you see, it's about a Queen, and a Soldier, it seems) to which B side of which unreleased bootleg has x song. I finally determined to unsubscribe. It's a bit too bad, really, as Undertow members apparently often get entre to actually meet Ms. Vega backstage, but I personally have never felt that I would obtain any great insight or impart any great insight by meeting in person someone whose songs I like. My impression in this is confirmed by the posts of Undertow members, who described going speechless in The Presence with tones usually reserved for saints or electro-magnetic weapons in sci fi novels. I do not believe that is really me. So I said "unsubscribe". So I did. I also unsubscribed from something else that was pelting me consistently with e mail, and now only subscribe to Marstokyo's fun little yahoo group and the non-bombarding Bill Nelson list.
I have been working much harder lately than was the case for a month or two. Every evening seems like a late-ish evening, every weekend requires a portion of Saturday be spent at the office. Of course, when I pause to post or comment on LJ, I prolong my personal agony, as I don't get the benefit of "punching out" at 5 or 6 or 7. Indeed, every break I take is a minor "punch out", which I must then punch back in and make up again. As I continue writing this post, though, the supreme logic of this problem obviously does not lead me to
stop posting or commenting. I see that my stridency and comment wordiness is back up again. I have determined not to feel too guilty about that, as I can feel guilty about things I wish to get done instead. I do not like to live in guilt, so I will no doubt go and get them done. I do notice how much I can pontificate in posts and comments on LJ about things as to which I know little, but I take some consolation that having a weblog makes me pontificate slightly less in "real life". Perhaps I need an Internal Editor which says "hit delete". For that matter, maybe my life now has an Internal Editor which says "just put it in your LJ".
Although I have been assiduously doing hobby things for weeks in the mail art-ish line, I seem to have acquired a bit of a to do list. I must make it a point to only offer nervousness exchanges that are not major projects to do. I also still have to get some things duplicated and done on some other stuff I'm up to by people who have skills I don't have. I must admit that I get easily embarrassed when I interact with people who know things I don't, but I must trim that feeling out along with my needless communities.
I wish to get done some bigger things of my own that I've had "in process" for months. It's time to bring closure to all my little artish projects, so that I can intelligently design new things to explore. I also need to work on this self-consciousness/self-doubt thing. It just gets boring to be essentially effusive, as I think I've become nowadays, and yet always so conscious of personal limitations. It's just one more barrier to being a nicer person, and I'm determined to remove it. I'm also determined to comment more intelligently, but first I have to define for myself what that means.