Robert (gurdonark) wrote,

Dear Ms. Rose Fawada:

Thank you for writing me. So often my e mail address is besieged with tips for stocks I never buy, and with yahoo message group notifications about odd and abstruse things that interest me. Your story, which reads a good bit like the Ivory Coast equivalent of a Dickens novel, caught my interest.

I am pleased that in the opening sentence, you advise me that "this is a compelling story", because you have caught my attention span almost perfectly when you realize to make this positive statement right up front. Thus, I agreed, silently, mentally, with your entreaty to "be patient and read to the end".

I was so impressed to hear that Mr. Edward Fawada, a cocoa farmer, adopted you nearly these 23 years ago. I am a big proponent of adoption, and I admire people who undertake this exciting and yet challenging route to parenthood. Let me hasten to say also that I extend my deepest sympathies about his loss on 12 June 2003.

I read with apt awe how he narrated to you from his death bed about some eight million five hundred thousand United States dollars in a bank of which you are the beneficiary. I was pleased to hear that he had taken the step of providing you with some "Authentic Documents" (I am pleasd, by the way, that your sense of grammatical propriety permitted you the grace to capitalize this crucial phrase).

I was puzzled when you mention that the bank director in Abidjan told you that you are too young to handle this money alone. Although at 23 you are not old by any means, still it seems a bit unfortunate that he would take such an old-fashioned, nearly Victorian, attitude in dealing with you. I am sure his intentions must be good, though, as otherwise, why would he be a bank director?
We all know that all people in the lives of people like you live charming lives. Just reading about you makes me want to visit the Cote d'Ivoire, and I say this as a man far too old to be enticed by your admittedly charming style.

I want to tell you how much I appreciate your offer to allow me to be your business partner in your late father's stead. I love the internet, because in virtual reality people frequently realize I would be a wonderful partner in all sorts of ventures. Regretfully, I must decline, though. I am working on getting my blitz chess rating over 1600 by year end, and I am over 100 points shy. In addition, I must take an on-line legal seminar about fraud in financial statements. You would not believe how much fraud one encounters in the day to day world. I am pleased you are seeking people to help you resist any threats upon your money.

Therefore, I will not be writing the French e-mail address you provided me, nor will I be visting your lovely country. I am sorry that you feel you do not have anyone else to "run to", but let me assure you that there are many hares more eager than the particular tortoise. Accordingly, I bid you best wishes for a felicitious recapture of your fortune. If you are ever in Texas, please let me know, and I will get you tickets to a rodeo.

Best to you,

Your new friend, Gurdonark
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