Robert (gurdonark) wrote,

Ten theories

1. The ideal song should be 2 minutes and 44 seconds in length, which is the approximate length of the Ramones song "I Wanna Be Sedated". This failure to meet the ideal may explain why John Cage songs featuring silence never topped the charts, as well as providing a stark argument for truncation of the Jethro Tull song "Thick as a Brick".

2. Power may corrupt. Absolute power may corrupt absolutely. Yet power also ages. Based on this syllogism, Grecian Formula is an totem of power. It may not corrupt, but it is part of a cover-up.

3. What pork barrel project is being funded in your area that the "powers that be" deem more important than
children's school lunches? Here it's a project to build a park and a highway simultaneously in roughly the same area on our local Trinity River. In Alaska, it's apparently a ~100 million dollar bridge to service an island of 50 residents. Even apart from our current need to support our troops, strips of salt pork, smoked for days in Congress, have managed to build a new deficit from the ashes of surplus. Meanswhile, as the number of veterans needing benefits increases, efforts to slow their utilization proceed apace. Favorite absurd boast of the day: "make the tax cuts permanent". I never realized that the taste of pork was so intoxicating. My theory is that pork barrel spending is the new white meat.

4. Remind me, by the way, that if I use an e mail during the emergency crisis that is the defining moment of my career thus far, to refrain from discussing what clothes to wear on television. My theory is that this is
not an ideal way to create one's legacy.

5. I bought a magazine about going "off the grid" into alternative energy, not because I want to do this soon, but my theory is that we will all do version of this eventually.

6. Life is an endless deck of Monopoly cards, and there's nothing more fun than drawing "bank error in your favor".

7. I believe in the future most people will get their post-secondary education without bricks or mortar.

8. This year's huge labor shortage? Automobile mechanics schooled in the new high tech engines. That would be a fun career, except that I already have a career and my mechanical skills stop at cleaning the aquarium sponge that functions as a filter on my hand power mower.

9. My theory is that the small liberal arts school is a thing of beauty and a joy forever.

10. I have seen the M42 nebula through a cheap telescope, and thus I can confirm that the universe is one large and intriguing place. My theory is that people are just as intriguing, and almost as fuzzy when viewed with the naked eye.
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