Robert (gurdonark) wrote,

Dear Jenny

"Our private pop affairs, in other words, are meaningless unless we try and talk about them - and this seems to me the truest, perhaps the only, reason for pop criticism"--Tom Ewing

Dear Jenny:

As the years wear on, my memory fails me. But I must confess that I do not believe we have met. Thus I write this brief note to ask you if we have some prior connection that eludes me. You see, I seem to be getting exactly the same e-mail from you over and over. The e mail raises a few questions for me. First, which friend of yours said I was "really cool"? I do not recall knowing anyone named "Jenny",although it is possible that one of my LJ friends with a screen name like "Chloe's Rampant Imaginings" is in fact someone named Jenny. I am, sadly, afraid you are misinformed if anyone advised you that I am "cool". I might be more accurately referred to as "tepid" or "wordy". I am certainly not cool enough to justify such a determined stream of correspondence.

I note in your e mail that you like not only to talk and "meet new people", but also to show your body off on your webcam. If, indeed, we are not acquainted, will you pardon me the discourtesy of saying that this is a rather unconventional conversational basis for the start of a potential friendship? I certainly do not want to be judgmental about your personal artistic choices vis a vis a webcam. I know that many people are experimenting with breaking down the barriers imposed by various of the societal distances and proprieties. But I do not think that we will achieve the unity of mind and good intentions to which I ordinarily aspire in new friends if I click through to your website so that we may merely discuss your physical attributes.

I do appreciate your earnestness in advising me that you don't "cost a dime", even if, you mention, I wish to watch you or talk to you. However, I must advise you that I do not envision friendship as something that I provide financial remuneration for in any event. I do not even own a geopet, or neopet, or whatever those pay-by-the-diode faux animals are called.

I do like the way that your site is apparently named something like "hijenny" and that you use the word "wanna" in your letter of introduction. I always think that among the misuses of language, "wanna" is one of my favorites.

Overall, though, Jenny, I am concerned about your frequent missives. Although I suppose I should be flattered, I have been married for years, and really have very little interest in webcam analysis of your physical attributes. What really troubles me, though, is my concern that you are persisting in seeking my attendance at your site, although I have made no reply to your frequent notes. Where did you get all those different e mail addresses from which you write me? Why do you always use a different topic? Why do you interpret my silence as encouragement? Also, if you wish to establish a new friendship, shouldn't you vary the text a bit from e mail to e mail? I suppose I should make clear in this weblog post that although I am usually flattered by the attention of any woman, even one with a webcam, I am not in search of romance. Frankly, discussion of a stranger's body during a webcam view falls a little short of my idea of romance in any event, but I say that without meaning to unduly offend. Indeed, I hope that your webcam helps you connect with your own artistic side.

I suppose I should be flattered, in some odd, cyber way, because no stranger has ever been quite so persistent in seeking my attentions, other than all those charming relatives of deposed African leaders who need only my bank account information to retrieve ill-gotten gains tucked in banks across the world. But Jenny, really, there are a lot of fish in the sea, and my own little nook of ocean is entirely too full to admit of a friend interested in little more than webcam explorations of her attributes. I hope you find someone more compatible than me.

I worry that you must be a bit bored. Have you tried a good book? Let me suggest Trollope's series of Barsetshire novels. The stories of English country clerics will give you many a chuckle, and perhaps help you envision other ways to relate to people.

Please do not take offense if I speak frankly with you. Experience has taught me that one should be open and honest about matters of friendship and the heart. I wish you all the best with your endeavors, but I ask if you could limit your correspondence to needful things like Christmas cards or change of address notices.

I wish you a fulfilling and spiritual Spring.

Best, Gurdonark
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