I hope you'll join me to explore a bit of silliness and
reflection about the shape of things ahead.
In the Iowa caucuses, if I were an Iowan, I would very much like to vote for:
Pat Paulsen
2(7.1%)
Britney Spears, if she'll promise to marry Gary Coleman
3(10.7%)
Anyone who will promise to invade Grand Fenwick
3(10.7%)
Chelsea Clinton
4(14.3%)
Grover Muppet
16(57.1%)
I believe that Keanu Reeves should play the president in the biopic of:
Teddy Roosevelt
0(0.0%)
Millard Fillmore
10(35.7%)
Woodrow Wilson
2(7.1%)
Abraham Lincoln
5(17.9%)
Gerald Ford
11(39.3%)
The most important issue to me that not enough candidates talk about is:
AIDS and other untreatable diseases
2(7.1%)
the widening gap between rich and poor
14(50.0%)
the sheer difficulty of raising a family in this fragmented society
2(7.1%)
preservation of key ecological habitats
8(28.6%)
localizing homeland security to genuinely resist terrorism
2(7.1%)
I think that kids today:
have a much harder time than we did because they are under much more pressure
5(17.9%)
have a much easier time than we did because they have so much more to do and the Cartoon Channel
2(7.1%)
are almost the same as we were then, except for the clothing
6(21.4%)
will never know how it feels to hear "Thick as a Brick" in 1976
3(10.7%)
cannot turn out right, because both Mr. Rogers and Captain Kangaroo no longer make new episodes
12(42.9%)
If I dreamed of a way to make society better, I'd
write a novel about it that nobody would read
10(35.7%)
sing a song about it that nobody would hear
3(10.7%)
advertise it in the back of Popular Science
4(14.3%)
paint a picture about it that nobody would see
1(3.6%)
actually try doing something about it
10(35.7%)
If I had a hammer:
I'd hammer in the morning, except I like to sleep in
11(40.7%)
I'd hammer in the evening, but I'm afraid of the dark
1(3.7%)
I'd hammer out danger, if only it were safe
5(18.5%)
I'd hammer out warning, as long as it wasn't too loud
1(3.7%)
I'd hammer out love between my brothers and my sisters, except that it would require me to set aside my resentments
9(33.3%)
The four intellectual heroes whom I would have carved into Mount Rushmore are:
I have a dream of one day:
owning my own little home and my own little business
6(22.2%)
of doing something that really matters to society as a whole
12(44.4%)
being somebody--I just want to be somebody.
2(7.4%)
having the stress stop and just relaxing
4(14.8%)
putting aside this anger I've carried far too long
3(11.1%)
I consder these the most important national security issues:
rooting out Al Queda
7(14.6%)
making the nation's power grid and nuclear plants more secure
15(31.2%)
making the nation's food supply more secure
16(33.3%)
dealing with terrorist nations
4(8.3%)
ensuring that national landmarks are protected
6(12.5%)
The campaign theme song I'd like to hear most is:
Help! I'm a rock! (Frank Zappa)
3(10.7%)
Jefferson, I think we're lost (REM)
3(10.7%)
Fallin' in and out of love with you (Pure Prairie League)
1(3.6%)
I don't know what I want ,but I know how to get it (Sex Pistols)
3(10.7%)
Isn't it ironic? Don't ya think? (Alanis)
3(10.7%)
Up, up and away in my beautiful balloon (Ffith Dimension)
4(14.3%)
Blame Canada (South Park)
7(25.0%)
I thought I knew the answer, but no question was posed (Dream Syndicate)
1(3.6%)
Get on up, on the floor, cuz we're gonna boogie oogie oogie 'til we just can't boogie no more (Taste of Honey)
1(3.6%)
Livin' just enough, just enough, for the city (Stevie Wonder)
2(7.1%)
Of all the Democratic candidates, which one could play an animal on Animal Planet? which animal?
What percentage chance do you think George W. Bush has of being re-elected?
Mean: 58.08 Median: 60 Std. Dev 24.50
0
2(7.7%)
10
0(0.0%)
20
1(3.8%)
30
2(7.7%)
40
0(0.0%)
50
4(15.4%)
60
5(19.2%)
70
6(23.1%)
80
4(15.4%)
90
1(3.8%)
100
1(3.8%)
Which of the following things would induce you to vote for George W. Bush:
An iron-clad promise that Howard Stern would be taken off the air
3(13.6%)
an iron-clad promise of no more "too much information" interviews with Pamela Anderson
1(4.5%)
an iron-clad promise that Fox News will become the Simpsons Channel
11(50.0%)
an iron-clad promise that Michael Jackson will be deported to the moon called Europa to a space station called Nevermind
6(27.3%)
an iron-clad promise that Princess Diana will disappear from the tabloids overnight
1(4.5%)
Name one silly thing that you can't believe that government spends money upon:
How would you support the troops?
with a lot of flag-waving and sloganeering
0(0.0%)
by raising the pay for enlisted personnel and enhancing veterans benefits in the long term, and prayer and good wishes in the short term
24(100.0%)
by chattering on AM radio about liberal senators
0(0.0%)
watch Donald Rumsfeld on television as often as possible
0(0.0%)
by saying pithy put-downs of folks in the military
0(0.0%)