October 30th, 2003

abstract butterfly

National Novel Writing No

I reserve the right, in life, to reverse field from time to time. I invoke that right tonight, right here in this very journal. I loved doing the nanowrimo "write a novel in 30 days" deal last year. I have a novel to show for it. But tonight, I realized that in two days, I would begin devoting time to a second novel, when my time is better spent on family, friends, chess, tropical fish, bad poetry, and even cacti. That doesn't even get us to the illustrated prayer book exhibit at the Kimball Art Museum, or the
letters I want to write to the rest of the people on my list, or the numerous work projects that await me. I have a mail poetry documentation to prepare, and kindnesses to share.

I know it's fashionable, when changing one's mind, to offer excuses like "I can't" or criticisms of nanowrimo. I offer neither. Nanowrimo is a great project--love it. I am fully capable of writing another novel.

I choose not to write a novel, because I choose to do something different. I choose to walk at the bird sanctuary, and to stare at the full moon. I choose to see the planet Mars, and find it red. I choose to write dozens upon dozens of poems, and not care if they are good or bad. I choose to call my parents and siblings, and not run the word counter functions on my computer so often.

I choose to post in this journal, although I've frankly felt less than fully pleased with my recent writings. I think this is a normal and healthy part of a public diary, though. I want to be loved, I find, and that need intrigues me and on some level delights me.

I choose to pray, and to daydream, and to feel not a twinge of guilt when I fail to go for two in a row.

I choose to cheerlead enthusiastically for those who are writing novels among my friends. I choose to drop the nanowrimo community, not because I do not laud the efforts, but because life is too short for polls. I will perhaps retain the nanowrimo mailing list, but that's because I like the kids.

I find myself realizing that I am many things, but that poetry is what I write, for good or ill.
Oh, and a LiveJournal. I write that, too.

Collapse )