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June 24th, 2003

exhaustion

Today's meeting was exhausting. I'm ready to fly to the next city and the next task. On the plane, I'll read a novel. In my mind, I'll just float in my weariness. Weariness holds many advantages. When I'm tired enough, I can't be distracted with aimless worry. When I'm tired enough, I press my nose to the grindstones that need to be turned, rather than the various stray millstones that might otherwise intrude. Tonight I'm a mass of simple plans and clear strategies. Lately, though, I realize that while I am not necessarily a "simple" person, I live a life in which the density of my thought is much less rich than I imagine other peoples' thoughts might be. I think that this ability to narrow-cast is a good thing, and I really appreciate it when I am too exhausted to do anything *but* narrowcast. Tonight I'll close my eyes, and feel myself drift, as if afloat on that open sea in the Brian Eno song,
gazing out into the empty sky.