June 11th, 2002

abstract butterfly

in consolation

When the bell rang, and
we headed out to recess,
we instantly formed two kickball teams
to play our uneven games.

One, perpetually
the kicking team,
had the best kids,
and as to that team,
by acclamation of that team,
in which we all acquiesced,
the rules for strikes and outs
never applied.

Our team, the fielding team,
had to watch, helpless,
while the other team scored,
or called out "doesn't count"
when a kick went astray.
Our innings never ended;
we never came to bat.

I became a perpetual fielder
watching others score.

I still live my life
fielding while others kick,
a simple life of consolation prizes and
quiet, self-sufficient escapes.

Like the boy I used to be, I find
myself still granting the clever kids
the "at bat", finding what comfort I can
in the rather ordinary butterflies
in right field, in the moments
I am not chasing others' kickballs.
  • Current Music
    Caroline Herring, "Mansion on the Hill"
abstract butterfly

one more soul to carry on

I got two very interesting postcardx pieces, from
auntiesiannan (great picture of "sky" with rainbow, and nice R. Frost lawyer/jury joke) and from
nquizitiv1, about an upcoming Dallas
photo show that looks interesting. Meanwhile, I got my empty notebook with a poem in it off for my nervousness.org exchange with C. in Tennessee, who is to send me a similar notebook, and then we are to cross fill each notebook with poetry. I got a neat picture affixed stylishly to a postcard with yarn in another nervousness.org exchange from patchhoulie in WA, as to which I will need to reciprocate with a corruplast photo card tomorrow.

Looking in my "art room", I see that I have begun to acquire an extensive volume of trifles of no real intrinsic value other than to me or people who have similarly idiosyncratic tastes, a sad by-product of neat little things picked up at thrift stores and flea markets and dollar stores. My wallet and my pride are intact, and I do have a good eye for "cool stuff" and "odd stuff", but perhaps enough sometimes is, well, enough.

A few things I will ship off to folks I know who might appreciate them. A few things I may have to ebay away. I once did ebay in a fairly earnest hobbyist way, acquiring books of interest to me wholesale and then retailing them away with good ads. When our "guest bedroom" in CA began to resemble First Monday Trading Days, the giant Canton, Texas flea market, then I considered that idea "sold to this fine American". I realized in short order I could make a living on ebay, but then it occurred to me that I already make a living. I guess it's now "what I will do as a last fallback when I have finally burned out" option.
Either ebay, or optometry.

Now I still have a substantial inventory of chess books I picked up wholesale and remaindered. They always sold for a profit, but my energy for writing the ads and shipping the packages waned. I wish I could say they are a chess collection I could use each day, but sadly, they are not. Most of them dealt with aggressive, "sharp" openings, and when I play chess, I only play quirky and rather tame openings. So somehow I must sell them off.

I ran a couple of mass chess book sales to celebrate 1/1/00, with one ending at 11:59 1999 and one ending at 12:01 1/1/00, but an ebay fail/safe of some sort prolonged both auctions past their historic timing. One of my regular buyers wrote me and said that I should have sent him a list of individual entries. He missed the point. The sales are only tangentially about profit. Ebay is best when it is a warm joke among unmet friends.

I guess I need to sell the books and use them for impractical/practical things--let's say, 1/3 to the local food bank, 1/3 to burn CDs, and 1/3 in postage.
That makes sense, somehow. I wish the Collin County Food Bank had a URL. Things don't exist in my narrow world if I can't get a URL off google.com. As to the rest of the things, I'll find them homes one way or another, so that I may live to re-stack my "art room" with other pointless mathoms.

Tomorrow I must fly to Los Angeles for an appellate argument on Thursday. Appellate arguments are the one thing one does in litigation practice which are pretty much just like the mock arguments one does in law school. I have much to do before I leave, so it will be a hectic day tomorrow.

I see the "picture day" topic of the "suggestion box" thread at the hypnos.com "forum" section now has the picture uploaded that I sent. As do most average-looking people with their respective pix, I see it "on line", look at it, and say "average looking". It's funny how one really never minds seeing one's own picture nearly as much as hearing a tape of one's voice. One can be much more clinical--"oh, need to get as thin as that again", while a tape is always "I can't believe I sound like *that*". It is kinda cool seeing how the folks on
hypnos.com look--I find that internet personae cannot really be visualized on words alone...or perhaps the way we can leave behind
appearance, along with many pheronomes and much misunderstanding,
makes photos a sort of "distant-seeing telescope" view into the "look" of people we feel like we know as ideas and radioplays from their radiobroadcasts into outer (cyber)space.

I never have been particularly tempted to use the photo for a LJ userpic thus far, although it might be better than "name that squiggle!", "map of my soul", or "wiggy flowers" among my userpix. I do see some awfully good "personal photo" userpix, and there is some logic that a userpic should be...a user pic. But I plan to stay in the MS Paint camp for the time being.

Speaking of pix, I pixed up a set of photos from the photoshop of young Bella, age 21 months, I took over Memorial Day. They look great! I need to get a scanner, as it would be fun to show the one on the slide off. Picture child in motion, on 110 film. See? That's better than the actual pic, anyway. It's all in the moment--in the mind's eye for that split second. An image is worth a thousand pix.
At least, that is my flimsy excuse for not using the digicam gregwest98 gave me, or for getting a cheap scanner. It's funny how I'll spend 2 dollars on 40 mathoms, but not 80 dollars on a simple scanner.

I used to love that Laura Nyro song about "and when I die/and when I'm gone/there'll be one more soul to carry on", or some such. But I'm not sure anyone would carry on with the junk in my art room.
  • Current Music
    "hangin' out at Nyro's nook in downtown", RL Jones